Today

Today is kind of a random thought day, no real updates.  I should have something newsworthy tomorrow.

Not sure which is the more appropriate (although ridiculous) reference, so I will throw both down.

Remember when they guys got back from Antarctica and Sheldon ran back to Texas?  Well the universe keeps treating me like Leonard.  I can’t catch a break.

Or…

You know what I am afraid of? Quicksand.  You know you are going along and then something happens, and then another thing happens, and another, and another.  An no matter what you do to try and get out, it seems like whatever you do just causes you to sink further in.

You want to know something scary, I can tell the difference between 10 year old and 12 year old GlenMorange Scotch (even if I can’t spell it, or afford either).

I feel like I am supposed to love the Olympics, and I truly used to.  However, they have not even started yet and I already am tired of them.

It is funny the effect time and distance have on a relationship with another person.  What is even more interesting is how time and distance from a third party can affect the relationship of the principals.

I wish that my education had a greater amount of arts.

America’s Got Talent scares me.  Not because of the sheer stupidity of it, or that Howard Stern and Howie Mandel have control over other people’s lives.  What really scares me is the fact that they sell out the theater. 

I wish I owned a tux.  I wish I needed to.

I wish Cole did not have Cancer.  All the rest is just bullshit.

5o-5o-12o

First, happy Cinco De Mayo.  Go have some French Fries with hot sauce.

So we have a bunch of stuff to catch up on so I am going to try and limit my random rantings except to say that I have put in a call to Tony and hugs can be expected.  Don’t push me.  Yes, that much.

So when we last spoke I told you about how we were going to have to do the MIBG therapy and that we were meeting with UCSF.  Well we had the meeting on Wednesday, and the universe decided that was a good day to show up and say hi.  Please allow me to elaborate.

** ok so I know I said no rants, and I almost meant it.  I wonder if people who smoke crack have a moment of clarity right before puffing and think to themselves, “I know this sucks and it is destroying my soul,” and then they suck that shit down.  I have a TV show with which I have a similar relationship.  Poor Dev**

We had appointments for Oliver and Logan for check ups.  Cole had a therapy.  Oliver received his first shots.  Logan has either foot and mouth or mad cow disease.  Cole started feeling crappy at the meeting and the whole house, with me excepted for the moment at least, has descended into sickness.  Cole, of course, spiked a fever and we ended up in the ER until midnight (an hour of which was us sitting in the pharmacy waiting on medications that we ended up not taking anyway).  Good day.  At least I was paid for my time, thanks to the generous people at WEMED.

At the meeting, we learned more about the MIBG therapy and I will tell you that it truly sucks.  We, as the caregivers, can only spend about 30 minutes per day at Cole’s bedside due to his becoming highly radioactive.  There will be a small mirror that will allow us to see him, and for him to see us.  Fortunately Cole is all about the adventure so the idea of a mirror is awesome to him.  For me it is another sucky thing to have to put my son through.  Fortunately I have a great support system, and the AZ Bakers are being mobilized and spreadsheeted.

**Another randomization.  Watching the NBA playoffs, I can’t help but find that the two teams that I want to see win are the Lakers and the Celtics.  This bothers me because I kind of hate these two teams.  The Lakers have one of the best players ever, but he is a total ass.  They have a lazy punk for a center who, when he shows up, is unstoppable, and they have a truly crazy person.  The Celtics have one of the best assist men that I have ever seen play.  They have one of the best pure shooters that I have ever seen play.  But they have Kevin Garnett.  I want so bad to hate both of these teams, and I want to root for the Grizzles or the Thunder, but I can’t.**

It looks like we are a go for UCSF on or about June 14^th.  He will probably check in to his luxury suite on the 13^th, and then on the 14^th, he will obtain his super powers.  If you want to know more about  it, then you will just have to read the comic (which will be on sale soon).

Before I go, I want to make two announcements.  First off, JULIA IS ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Second, Julia’s...nay, my new soon to be brother in law is already stepping up to the plate.  He is giving a free seminar(?) or class(?) (not sure the exact format) about internet security.  Now, please understand that I am not trying to make fun of what he does.  I just truly don’t understand it.  I know that he is something similar to Robert Redford from Sneakers (Don’t look, listen) and that if you mess with his new family, he will hack yo ass….er something.  No, really I don’t understand it.  It has something nerdy to do with computers, and believe it or not, I am the cool one in the family.

In all seriousness (no really I promise this time) check out the link for what he is doing.  If you  follow his instructions and make the donation to Cole through this blog and put in the magic password, you will be able to receive a piece of his expertise.  http://www.securityaegis.com/hacking-cancer-please-spread-the-word/

For now please raise your glasses and toast Cole, deadly from beyond the arc.

False Spring

False Spring.

I don’t usually put titles on my posts.  The reason for this is twofold.  First, titling requires a level of cleverity that I do not possess in sufficient amount.  B, I never know what I am going to write about until it comes out.  And since I don’t go back and re-read, it does not make sense to put in a title.  And 3, I like to see what Martin at San Bruno Patch (shameless pitch…check out Patch.com) comes up with (it makes me feel like a real author).

Today however, I am making an exception.  I was thinking about calling today’s post Ruin v Peservation but I think that only a couple of people (Matt, Patrick, maybe Jason) would understand what I am talking about, so I went with the safe route and decided to call this post, “False Spring.”

In the past I have discussed how hard it is to write this blog in the absence, or significant lessening, of emotional difficulties.  That is why I moved the purpose of this blog to the family as a whole, and especially the wonderful experiences that we are having with three crazy boys.  Well, I have recently been reminded exactly why I started this blog. 

Cole had his series of scans and the main area in his abdomen has not changed in size, which is a good thing.  This means that, while it is not shrinking, it is not growing.  That was the news that we were hoping for.  Don’t start dancing yet, though.  The MIBG scan showed an area in his leg with active disease.  OK, so that sucks.  But wait, there was a chance that it was not actually active disease in his leg, but instead, it was pee on his leg.  Stay with me.  This is not one of those random things that I write that may or may not be an inside joke to someone. 

So they did a further scan, MRI this time.  The MRI confirmed that in fact Cole does not, or at least that time did not, pee on his leg.  He has a new spot of active disease.  I thought we were done.  I had already planned on the tubes coming out, and having the summer to end all summers.  Alas, it is not to be.  We are jumping right back into therapy, starting next Monday. 

We start with an infusion therapy at the clinic for 5 days, starting on Monday.  Fortunately the therapy will be done outpatient at the clinic, and Cole will likely not miss any school.  After that, and sometime in June Cole will return to UCSF for a one week MIBG therapy.  This therapy is much more intense and when I know more about it, I just might tell you.  We meet with the UCSF people next week.  I can tell you that there is a mirror involved.

I thought we were done.  I thought we were done.  I thought we were done.  I thought we were done.  All work and no play makes Jack a dully boy.  I thought we were done.  I thought we were done.  I did not cut and paste.  I promise.  I thought we were done. 

What if we lose.  Fuck.

Let me tell you what keeps me sane.  Watching a network TV show that is a musical about the making of a musical which suddenly breaks into a Bollywood number.  And I have had only one glass of Scotch.

Oh well, I would say sorry for the rambling and strange post tonight, but I am not really sorry cuz that is how my brain is going right now.

Please pray, think of, meditate about, or whatever for Cole.  In the meantime please raise your glasses and toast Cole, optical engineer.

3-30-12

Just finished the Hunger Games trilogy.  First off, while I understand that these books were written for teens (lots of gory death but no sex….our priorities are wrong…..but that is for another blog), the books still were not all that good.  The premise was sound, although predictable (very imaginative evil setup that needs to be overthrown; a seemingly unwilling heroine thrust into the limelight by other powers; final decision that must be made which will determine the fate of the world).  I had two major problems, however.  The first is that there were a huge number of grammatical mistakes.  Now I don’t eat, shoot, or leave, nor do I eat shoots, or leave but a professionally printed book should not have these mistakes.  The other big problem I had was the ending.  They should have ended the book the second she shot the last arrow.  Don’t tell me what happens next.  Don’t tell me how they lead the rest of their lives.  Just take the shot, and end it.  That being said, the books are nice potato chip books (a tasty quick literary snack that does not really fill you up but holds you over until dinner).

Cole has all of his big imaging tests coming up soon, and I am starting to get that gut twisting feeling in my stomach.  It is not that I am overly scared that the images will show something bad, just that these are the big ones.  We are all done with treatment and these tests will tell us if we are going to be able to move forward in a semi-normal fashion with the rest of our lives, or if this nightmare is going to continue.  OK, fine, maybe I am scared.  So be it.  I just want them to be here.  Waiting (like Aqua-Man, who is the Scooter of the Justice League) sucks.

So anyway like I was saying.  We are right in the middle of our busy season over here at Casa California Baker (busy season is the grown up word for the period beginning 2/11(by b-day), 3/1(Oliver), 3/2(Elisa), 4/1(Cole), 4/8(Easter), 5/9(Logan)).  Full planning control of Cole’s birthday party has been given over to me (what were they thinking).  I have devised a Harry Potter themed party which will include Quiddich  tryouts (sweaty grass stained kids), potion class (I think most of the ingredients are legal to give to kids), defense against the dark arts (love hitting stuff), and wand making (nothing like a customized weapon).  Boy parties are awesome.  I think next year we will have an MMA tournament.

Cole has issued his birthday request list, and it is thus:

Wii Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7

Art stuff

Football

Lego Harry Potter Legos

2 fish

1 hermit crab

A make lemonade kit

Pool

Green Eggs and Ham (not sure if he wants the meal or the book)

Logan’s birthday will be a little bit more subdued, but he has also drafted his list:

Camera (like Cole's indestructable)

Bob the Builder things

Dollhouse

Art stuff

Fire engine game

Police game

Sports things

Play structure

Flowers

Gardening tools

ladybug

crab

pool

water toys

Legos (normal size, not baby size) - police, fire engine, star wars

On the Oliver front, he is doing well.  He stays awake longer and longer each day, and I am pretty sure that he has already smiled like 20 times.  I know what you are thinking right now…it is just gas…well I say to you…I also smile after expunging gas….so there…  He has already started torturing his mother a little bit, but I am sure that will stop soon…at least I hope so…well it hasn’t yet with the other boys…

Last thing before I go.  I just found out that there is a 5K (for those of the Sam Baker ilk who agree that the metric system is stupid, 5K can roughly be converted to fro here to piyonder) fundraiser walk for Make A Wish in June.  We, or some portion of our household, are going to sign up.  I strongly encourage everyone else to do the same, or at least donate to the cause.  After I get my team registered, I will let you know how you can donate.  But at anytime if you want to donate to Make-A-Wish, but don’t know how, send me the money via paypal with a note that it is for Make-A-Wish, and I will get it there.  For now; however, please raise your glasses and toast Elisa, super mom.

3-22-12

Why is it that when I eat cinnamon toast, it is not spicy, but every cinnamon flavored candy is spicy?  I asked Oliver but he just spit up on me.  I guess it is kind of a sensitive subject for him (and no the spit up was not caused by the red hot that I let him taste).  Oh well, I guess I will just have to write this off as a mystery that will never be solved.

Oliver continues to wake up a few times each night despite the fact that I keep explaining to him that it is night time, and night time is sleep time, not eat time.  I must have been looking a little ragged these last couple of days because Elisa decided to let me sleep through the 3 am feeding extravaganzas.  It is amazing that the baby could be all by himself up in the tree house (which, on the record, has never happened) and Elisa could be down the street playing the tuba, and she could still hear him cry.  On the other hand (no professor you are wrong, you don’t have to explicitly say ‘on one hand’ to be able to use ‘on the other hand’ when clearly the one hand is implied.  This from a professor who showed me a great deal of animal porn under the guise of an anthropology class), I could be taking a nap and the child could be sleeping on my face, and I would not hear him cry.

Oliver is getting pretty good at crying.  He is already better than Cole ever was.  When Cole was a baby, he would cry for a minute or two and then do a cost analysis report.  If the analysis determined that crying was not worth the effort, he would stop.  I am waiting to see if he will be able to have the perseverance that Logan had.  Logan’s analysis was to ask himself if he had been given whatever it was that he wanted which had begun the crying.  If no, then continue crying.  If yes, then ask if there is anything else that he wants.  If yes, then continue crying.

OK, that is all for today, please tip your waitresses on the way out, and don’t forget your jackets.  We will return shortly, but in the meantime please raise your glasses to the Baker Boys and their upcoming world tour.   

3-19-12

With each passing night early morning spent not sleeping, but rather holding a football shaped creature that enjoys spewing his midnight snack on my shirt (I must say that it is amazing how precise the aim of an infant truly is.  I can be wearing a robe made out of burp cloth, and he will still find the one spot where he can hit my clothes.), I realize more and more the wisdom of that great 21^st century philosopher who opined, “I now know why young people have kids”.  This little dude is making me feel all of my over halfway to 70 years.

I used to could pull 48 hour runs on no sleep, and without the use of any chemical enhancement.  Those days are long gone.  Now all I can think of is when my next nap will be.  Oh well, I will exact my revenge later.  I have already complied collections of pictures and stories for Cole and Logan that are entitled “Prom Date Pictures.”  I plan on showing them to each of their respective prom dates on the big night.  That will show them…keeping me up past my bedtime.

I am pleased to report that Oliver has learned to use his legs in a more directed fashion.  He can now maneuver his legs out of the Kid-O-Potamus (Kid-O-Potamus is the most amazing invention since Bacon.  It is a blanket device that is used by idiot dads who are unable to perform the complex swaddle fold).  Of course he soon realizes that his feet are now cold, and he then proceeds to make me realize it. 

In other news, the crusty clump of dried human matter has fallen off of his belly, and I am pleased to announce the presence of an innie (by the way, this is a gross thing that we leave on the children.  Either medicine or evolution really needs to figure out a way to not have the dried end of the umbilical cord just sitting there for two weeks.). 

**Please note that the following is a paid advertisement**  Did you love the food at the last party that you went to?  Do you wish that you could have amazingly prepared food delivered to you door?  Do you love when announcers ask you multiple questions?  If so, then I would like to direct you to the company who is yet to be named, formed, or created.  With one simple click of the mouse, you will be able to order high end catered food for your family, and have it delivered to you door.  Please stay tuned for the creation of the company that will do this.  Thank you and God Bless America.

[And we’re back in 5….4…(hand signal 3)…(hand signal 2)…(hand signal 1)…(hand motion pointing at me]

 In sports news, Cole starts football today.  Relax, it is only flag football.  Although I did tell him that if it is second and one, he should lay into someone and take the penalty.  Tactics, I tell him….tactics.  I hate that I am going to miss watching him play for the next few weeks, but when I go on my baby daddy leave next month, I will get to watch him then.

Yesterday the older boys sat down and started on their birthday wish lists.  If you are interested, please check back later as we are in the process of editing Logan’s down to only include the realistic things (a butterfly flying over a flower was one entry) that have playing value for me.  Until that time comes, please raise your glasses and toast the California Baker family, the sweetest smelling of all the Bakers in California.

3-16-12

Last night Oliver and I started watching Game of Thrones.  For those of you who are not in the know, this is a show on TV.  We only got through the first few minutes before falling asleep, but so far it seems to be pretty close to the book.  I am glad that I did not live in medieval times cuz it seems like a smelly time to live. 

So anyway, like I was saying.  I will be going on my baby daddy leave April 18^th for a six week paid holiday (holiday is the grown up word for changing poopy diapers all day long instead of just at night).  Given the severe lack of conversational skills that Oliver has thus far shown to have, and since I will be through the Game of Thrones DVD way before then, I think that I am going to need something to do with my time.

I know that some might say to clean the house, or to work out, or some other mind/body/life improving activity, but that is not really my style.  I need to come up with a plan (plan is the grown up word for a scam that is most likely not illegal) to somehow have people come to believe that I am performing work for them such that they feel obligated to pay me.

So far here are my ideas: I could write a book, initiate a culture war in this country, start a business, or join the mafia.  The phone lines are open so please feel free to give me some ideas, or comment on the awesomeness of my current ideas. 

Hopefully I can, with your help, come up with an idea that is so brilliant that I won’t have to go back to work, and can just be a stay at home dad (see Michael Keaton, worked for him.  I even have a pair of sweats in the car already). 

I am currently working on a plan that will involve my neighbor doing all the work, my sister doing the books, and my brother creating the technology, with me all the while making tons of money.  The plan is still in the crack pipe stage, but I will let you know when it moves into the sphere of reality.

For now; however, please raise your glasses and toast Logan, because he is the middle child now and in need of some love.